Financial Jokes | Free Jokes


FINANCIAL JOKES
NO1!

Millionaire
A woman proudly told her friend, "I'm responsible for making my husband a millionaire." "Well what was he before he married you?" the friend asked. "A billionaire."

Financial Joke No2!

Washington, D. C.
A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."

Financial Joke No3!

Graduation Day
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

Financial Joke No4!

The Stock Report
Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. Balloon prices were inflated. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

Financial Joke No5!

A dollar per point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

Financial Joke No6!

Son
The conservative businessman got on the elevator and curtly asked the bellboy to take him to the 18th floor. "Sure thing, son," replied the bellboy. "How dare you call me son!" exclaimed the outraged man. "Well," replied the boy, "I brought you up, didn't I?"

Financial Joke No7!

A letter from a college student
The parents of a Northwestern student who just headed back from holiday received this letter: Dear Mom and Dad: Univer$ity life i$ $o wonderful! Cla$$e$ and $e$$ion are intere$ting, my cla$$mate$ are the be$t! But after $pending all my ca$h on Chri$tma$ pre$ent$, I am in a little need for $ome $pending money for book$ and $uch. But I don't want to $end the wrong $ignal$ home.

Love

Your $on

Financial Joke No8!

Insufficient Funds
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

Financial Joke No9!

Saving money
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father,Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand. Good, my dad quickly replied. Wash it again!

Financial Joke No10!

You Know You're Rich When...
During a cold winter night you can't find any more firewood so you hack the leg off your Steinway grand piano and use it to keep the fire going until your butler shows back up with something more flammable Your children play monopoly with real money.

Financial Joke No11!

God's Time And Money
A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?" God replied, "1 second." The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?" And God replied, "A penny." Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?" And God replied, "Just wait a sec."

Financial Joke No12!

Robbery
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

Financial Joke No13!

Female intelligence
A man, who loved money more than just about anything, said just before he died to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me. When he died she did what she had promised, came over with the money box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!"

She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him. "You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!!!!? "I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."



Even more Financial Jokes!

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. "No peer pressure," said the woman.

Managers
If you give some managers an inch, they think they're a ruler.

Advertising
"Is your advertising getting results?" asked one business owner. "It sure is," moaned the second owner. "Last week we advertised for a night watchman ... and the next night we were robbed."

Money
It can buy a House............But not a Home
It can buy a Bed..............But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock............But not Time
It can buy you a Book.........But not Knowledge
It can buy you Medicine.......But not Health
It can buy you Sex............But not Love

So you see money isn't everything.
And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend,
and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.
So send me all your money..........
And I will suffer for you.
CASH ONLY PLEASE!!!

Medicine
Remember laughter's the best medicine, unless you're asthmatic, then its Ventolin.

Water
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards--NAIVE.

Double your money
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Broker
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Lending
If you lend somebody ten pounds and never see them again..... it was probably worth it.

Borrowing
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Hard work
As long as my boss keeps pretending that I am earning a lot, I go on pretending that I work hard.

Rise
Who gets a rise because of his excellent performance must have been underpaid for some time.

Being successful
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Success formula
I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please everybody.

Numbers
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousAnd

Letter from home
Love, Mom. PS: I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed .

Into The Real World
Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the expenses that came with it, Bob was complaining about the high cost of car insurance. "If you got married," teased his friend Brad, "the premium would be lower." Bob responded, "But wouldn't that be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts?"